he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
