he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize