Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
