Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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