Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
