went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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