1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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