She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
