I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
