She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize