dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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