i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
