You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
