Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
