i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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