Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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