Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
