Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
