the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
