Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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