So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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