Will you blow on my dice?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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