There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
