Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it because I queefed?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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