My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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