forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize