he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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