if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
