i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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