could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
