saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
