She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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