I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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