I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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