Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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