I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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