What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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