I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
