how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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