we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
