how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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