you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Enjoy the penises
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
