yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
