it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
