Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
