I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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