never play flip cup with pint glasses
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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