my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
