Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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