she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
