I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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