My first STD was from a foam party
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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