Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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