Porn is love you can see.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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