Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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