Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
