bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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