He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
