she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
