His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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