WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
