so explain again why im purple
no
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
