Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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