If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
