i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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