Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
